This is my Story… (continued)

(for previous ‘Story’ post: )


“But that’s just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there’s no use in backtrackin’
Around corners I have turned
Still I guess some things we bury
Are just bound to rise again
For even if the whole world has forgotten
The song remembers when”


I went through some old cd’s last week, to see if there was anything I’d want on my iTunes. And as I played some of the dustier ones, it was just like going back in time. I really should’ve buckled up before taking such a trip, because before I knew it, I had flown down Memory Lane and was back in college in another time.

The year was 1995 and I was just kicking off my senior year at Piedmont and life was pretty good. Nothing extraordinary, but I had finally settled on a major and gotten into a house with a group of great girls and there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

Still wasn’t exactly in any sort of relationship with God, but I still retained the peace from the previous Spring and knew that I wanted His will for my life. Guess I was just hoping it would fall into place as I went along. The need for any real relationship with Him honestly never occured to me.

Come September, I got stopped by a buddy of mine saying that his roommate was dying to meet me and asked would I please consider going on a double date? I agreed and we set the date.

Next thing I knew, I was headed back up to school with just enough time to freshen up for the big date and not 15 minutes from the school, a man crossed a very busy Hwy 365 and out of all the cars around me, managed to only hit me. The man was very seriously injured, for quite some time. And honestly, looking back, we both could’ve been killed. Yet somehow, though my car was totaled, I managed to walk away with no more than a seatbelt burn.

However, the paramedics insisted I go back to the hospital just to get checked out for insurance purposes. So, I called the guys from the emergency room to let them know I wouldn’t be able to make our date. And before I knew it, my date was up at the hospital with me, making sure I was alright. And though I had never met him before that night, he just seemed to fall into place. From that night on, we spent every moment that we could together.

He was very kind. And funny. Family oriented. And I even remember being impressed to see him pray in the evenings and thinking “Wow… this is what I’ve been looking for.”

We dated that whole year. His family was like my own and I loved them all dearly. He was a part of my family as well. And though we ‘had our moments’, all was pretty great.

Before long, he started hinting at the future. But anytime he would, I just never felt like it was the right time. I kept hoping and thinking my heart would change with time. Finally, he couldn’t wait any longer and proposed. It was very sweet and I was so honored… but still didn’t feel right about it. And with no good reason why.

So, I went along with it all, still hoping for a change of heart… accepted the ring… was engaged that whole next year… began looking at halls and putting deposits down and looking at dresses… with no change of heart. I just couldn’t get excited about it all. As much as I had wanted to.

Inevitably, he sensed the feelings that weren’t there and I had to confess that I just didn’t love him as much as I wanted to or as much as he deserved. And I gave the ring back. To this day, that’s got to be the single hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. For so many reasons.

I knew that I was breaking the heart of the only guy who’d ever truly loved me. I knew that there was no way we could ever go backwards from that point, so it’d be the last time I’d ever see him or his family. And I knew that someone like that was one in a million and that finding another worthy to take his place would take a very long time.

And yet I knew it was the right thing to do. And was beginning to trust in something bigger than what was before me. Rather something that lies within.

And I was quickly learning that the narrow path can be just plain difficult… even when it does all ‘fall into place’.

Published in: on June 28, 2010 at 11:30 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Gosh I miss you, Jess! Love this gives me chills up and down my spine. Much love to you, sweet girl!


  2. […] This is my Story… (continued)   (for previous ‘Story’ post: […]

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