Lions and Deserts and Keys… Oh My!

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“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.”  (‘Million Miles in a Thousand Years’)

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“God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time seems like the wrong time.

“Our calling is much higher than simply running away from what’s wrong. We’re called to chase lions ~ look for opportunities and take risks to reach for God’s best.

“When we don’t have the guts and step out in faith and chase lions, then God is robbed of the glory that rightfully belongs to Him.” (‘In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day’)

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“Maybe I ain’t too old to start over, I think and I laugh and cry at the same time at this. Cause just last night I thought I was finished with everything new.”  (‘The Help’)

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“God gives each person on earth a set of keys, keys to live this life down here on the earth. Now in this set, there is one key you can use to unlock prison doors and set captives free.”  (‘Same Kind of Different as Me’)

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“Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will bring you through them. Hasn’t He kept you safe up to now? So, hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things.”  (‘Streams in the Desert’)

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“It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.

Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.”  (‘Through Painted Deserts’)

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“Father, thank You that no matter what is ahead for me, I can be secure because of Your presence.” (perpetual desk calendar)
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Does anybody else sense a theme here?

I’ve been fasting from Facebook for several weeks now and as a result have found much more time to read. And read, I have. Steadily and methodically, I’ve been dwindling down the piles that have been patiently waiting on me for months now. And still some patiently wait.

But, it’s funny how I seem to get pulled to read certain ones at certain times. And in almost certain succession. The quotes above are just a representative glimpse into the theme that seems to be knocking at down my door.

And I so often find assurance when these themes present themselves in my life. They almost serve as a roadmap or at least a trusty reception tower. Things just seem to click into clarity and there seems to be some semblance of order to life.

But, I must admit… this theme….. though it does bring me a sense of comfort on one level, has got me a just a weee bit unnerved on every other level. I’s skeered! I mean, I don’t even know what direction this thing is headed? or how I’m expected to live it all out??

And I’m a creature of habit, comfort, familiarity. I don’t like stepping out of my comfort zone. I fear any sort of change. I like feeling like I know what to do, what to expect. I find great solace in the monotony. 

But, that’s not the life we’re meant to live as Christians. That’s not life at all. And I guess it’s time for me to ’step it up’ and step out in faith. To whatever He has in store for me.

Eeek! ~  So, wh-h-h-ho’s  w-w-w-ith  me?

“Do You Trust Me?” (repost from 7/08)

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Blame it on the little ones, but the other day, in all my recent frustrations about moving on and how exactly to go about that, my mind just kept going back to the movie ‘Aladdin’. The part where Aladdin shows up outside Jasmine’s balcony and invites her to go for a ride with him… on the magic carpet. And he simply looks her in the eye, hand stretched out and says:

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“Do you trust me?”

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And she knows that she must decide. Should she take the chance of a lifetime and see all this Prince has to offer? or stay within the confines of her structured palace, settling for a ‘comfortable’ life full of certainty? And all week long, I kept hearing this very question asked of me.

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“Do you trust Me?”

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Only it’s not ‘Prince Alla-b00-boo’, rather it’s the Prince of Peace. Ruler over all of creation. Mighty hand stretched out to me, challenging me:

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“Jessica, do you trust Me?”

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And you’d think by now I would know. That it would be an almost instinctive “Yes! Of course!” Of course, I would know that I could entrust my life and my heart to the very One who formed them. That ‘the One Who loved me enough to die for me could be absolutely trusted with the total concerns of the life that He saved’. And that even though He doesn’t promise it to be a smooth ride, He promises to hold my hand the whole way through. You’d think I’d be ready to take that leap of faith. Right into His arms, wherever they may take me. On the ride of a lifetime. Full of hope. Promise. Peace. But, you’d be amazed at what fear can do.

Self-imposed Lockdown (repost from 1/09)

Last week, I got an email from my aunt with some cute little Christian cartoons attached. And I was just going along, enjoying the sweet little reminders, when I came across this one….

… And BAM!
It was just like a sucker punch to the gut. I just thought, “You know… this is me.” Self-imposed ‘lock-up’… or perhaps rather ‘lockdown’?

Let’s see…’lockdown’ is defined as: a state of containment or a restriction of progression. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is exactly where I’m at right now. And for some reason, insist on staying?!? Chained up tight by my fear and anxiety. Restricted by my doubts and discouragement. Ugh.

All the while, He’s telling me “Child, I came… I died… for YOU… to be FREE…”

I know, Father. But, I can’t seem to find my way out?

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Last night, I sat down and watched ‘M*A*S*H’, for the first time in a while. And again, there was a theme of bondage and freedom.

In this particular episode, Hawkeye Pierce gets word of a fellow Army man purchasing a young Korean woman to be his bondservant. Seeing the value of this young lady, he is appalled by the very thought of this and very shrewdly, yet nobly ‘buys’ the girl back her freedom in a game of poker. He tries to explain to her that she is now free, but now she just willingly thinks she is to work for Hawkeye. He finally insists she goes back home to her family and puts her on a bus back there. Next thing he knows, she’s back in the “Swamp” eagerly serving them and doing what needs to be done there. It seems she just doesn’t grasp the concept of true freedom.

Or does she?

At first, I likened this story to that of the cartoon. And to that of my own life. And it was then that I found a very distinct difference.

The prisoners in the cartoon insist on staying ‘locked up’ in the prison yard. I insist on remaining held captive by all my fears and concerns. The sweet Korean girl… well, she’s much wiser. She insists on turning all her focus and energy on the one who purchased her freedom. And gladly honors and serves him with a joyful and willing heart. She doesn’t go back to her captor, nor does she go back home to simply wait to be ’sold out’ to another. She embraces the one who paid for her ransom and surrenders her life completely to him. And because this is her choice, she finds purpose, meaning and contentment.

Father, help me to be this wise.

Latest Read…

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Reading the latest ‘big book’ ~ “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett.

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And, believe me… it is definitely a BIG BOOK.

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But, very intriguing. And peculiar that it would come to my attention right after reading “Same Kind of Different As Me”.

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Taking longer to read this one, but actually enjoying taking my time with it.

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…. Now, off to knock out the next few chapters… Gotta see what happens next!!!

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Contentment -vs- Complacency (aka~ Sunday Stirrings)

Let me just say: I love the Israelites. 

Not to say that I’m proud of it, but I must say they’re my kind of people. And they never fail to make me feel better about myself and my own self-centered, stubborn inclinations. I know from them that I’m at least in ‘good company’.

But, as I read up on their journey through the desertlands tonight, I have to admit that even they are making me look bad! And leaving me to rethink where I am on my own path and what kind of ground I’m covering… or rather not covering.

Allow me to explain.

We are told back in Exodus 15 of how the Israelites were led from the Red Sea into the Desert of Shur. There, they traveled for three days without finding any water. No water. In the desert. For three whole days. Not good, right?

So, from there they pressed on to Marah. And finally, they found water!! But, wait… not so fast… it’s too bitter to drink. What?!? Might as well have been a mirage. Now, that’s just cruel. Who can blame them for their grumbling? Something just tells me that I would be right there with the best of ‘em.

But, as it turned out, the Lord had a simple solution that they discovered upon crying out to Him. Problem solved. Moving on…

Next destination: Elim. And all we get is one verse to tell us of this stop. “Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.”

(Next verse): “The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the 15th day of the 2nd month after they had come out of Egypt.”

Next thing you know…. they’re back at their grumbling and complaining. So, first thing that crossed my mind: Why didn’t they stay longer in Elim?? My word, it sounds like Paradise! They had it made in the literal shade! Palms and springs in the desert?! Who would want to pull up stakes from there to continue on to the Desert of Sin?

Well, evidently the Israelites. And I’m thinking “Why???“

Then, I’m reminded, that even through the grumbling and complaining, bad attitudes and rose-colored rear view perspective…. they were still set on being obedient (at least for the overviewed, generally speaking, most part) and pressing on toward God’s promised land.

And that’s when it occurs to me, that my ‘good and plentiful company’ just left me in the dust. In the land of ‘good enough’. Left alone to determine the fine line between contentment and complacency. Completely missing out on the provisions of His hand in the Desert of Sin. And eventually forgoing the promised land flowing with milk and honey.

Withering in the shade of my ‘prosperity’. Pruning up in my plentiful springs. Forced to live on coconut milk.

And I really hate coconuts.

… If you’ll just … excuse me … for just one … minute ….

….. “Hey, everybody! …. Wait up for me!!!!”

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*For more Sunday Stirrings…. http://www.jodiyork.com/2010/01/24/sunday-stirrings-forgiveness/

My Latest Read

Breezed through yet another book this weekend ~ “Same Kind of Different as Me”. And wow. Yet another inspirational true life story.

 

Don’t know how to better describe it than the back of the book cover, so here you go… If you haven’t checked it out, I encourage you to. Quite a story!

 

 

To read more about it:

http://www.samekindofdifferentasme.com/

A Little Sunday Fun

I’ve been on a kick lately with working puzzles out of my Variety Puzzle magazines. And in going through some old posts of mine, I came across this little gem, so thought I’d resurrect it for those who haven’t seen it yet and let you share in the fun. (And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll have you know that it’s been so long since I’ve worked it, that I’m still looking for the last two!)    Enjoy!

Find the Books of the Bible

I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea, so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books in the bible in this story!

… No cheating!!!

Haiti

* You can help here:  http://www.compassion.com/  *

This is my Story… (continued some more)

(for previous ‘Story’ posts: http://bittersweetjess.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/this-is-my-story-this-is-my-song-continued )

Okay. So, I’ve actually been intending on continuing on with my testimony posts for some time now, but, tonight I find myself needing the reminders of God’s provision and hand on my life more than anyone.

They say that ”timing is everything”. Well, I don’t know that it’s everything, but it sure can make an impact. And you may call it coincidence. But, I choose to believe in something more. Especially, when you feel in your heart of hearts that it’s something more.

By the end of the last post, I was in a new school (10 x bigger), in a new state (750 miles closer to the equator), and a whole different culture, muddling through just to make it to graduation. High school was basically “survive and get out” those last two years. Never was big on the whole school thing anyway, but not really having many friends just perpetuated that feeling.

So, about halfway through Senior year (I guess?) they had a college fair, with all different colleges represented. I hadn’t even been here long enough to really know what was out there. But, having to ‘go with the flow’ anyway and not having anyone to hang with, I just remember slowly walking through the tables, just half-heartedly picking up a brochure here and there.

Then, I heard a friendly voice say “You looking for a small school? or a large school?” I said “Definitely small. I’m out of my element even here.” He said “Well then, Piedmont’s the school for you!” It was Mark Whiting, from Piedmont College up in Demorest (that I’d never even heard of) and oddly enough, without ever having even seen the place, something in me just knew that he was right.

From the moment we exited for the first time off of 365, I knew that’s where I belonged. It just felt like ‘home’. Always did and I suppose, always will.

Got up there the next fall, made some quick friends, and all was going well. Even got me a serious little boyfriend… Things were finally falling into place. By that first summer, I couldn’t wait to get back up there. I had two different friends wanting to room with me and I’d be seeing much more of the fella.

Well, summer didn’t even end before hearing news that one friend wouldn’t be returning to school. The other was coming back married and pregnant. And it wasn’t even October before boyfriend “got in a car accident, hit (his) head and forgot (my) phone number”. (No lie. Verbatim right there, folks. Smoooth, eh?)

Needless to say… not the year I had anticipated. As it turned out, many of my quick friends did not return, many of them were friends of the fella, and the other friend was a little preoccupied, being newly wed and preggo. And the roommate I ended up with? Let’s just say she wasn’t the sweetest thing on the block. And it seemed as though any friends I had anywhere up to that point just…. disappeared from my life. Many hurts and many betrayals during that time.

I think, for whatever reason, I was already headed for depression that year, but all of these factors just put me completely over the edge. I don’t know that anyone really knew (aside from my roommate… that is, if she even noticed). But, I cried every day. For the better part of that school year. And thank God for the preggo friend. Without her, I wouldn’t have so much as eaten all year either. I only ate when she invited me over for dinner.

That was the hardest year of my life.

And it kills me now, to think that it never once occurred to me to turn to God, a Bible or even to church. Not once. I felt so alone. And so helpless. The tears sting my eyes even now. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.

Thankfully, the following year, I wound up with a much sweeter roommate. She was rarely there, but would leave me sweet beautifully scripted notes if someone called for me. And yet again, I had gotten to the point of “Just get me out of here and I will put it all behind me”. Muddle through. And move on.

But, even though I had that thinking, my heart reminded me that I couldn’t move on. I needed closure with the boyfriend. I don’t remember what prompted it, but I remember as if it were last week… I just broke down and finally cried out… to Whoever was listening… “Please just give me closure. I miss him as a friend. I miss all my friends. Please. All I ask for is closure. I have got to be able to move on.”

That was about 10:00 on a Saturday night. And about an hour later, the phone rang. I assumed it was either crazy Javier or a wrong number. It wasn’t. It was the boyfriend. Mr. Bumped His Head called on a Saturday night. First time in over a year. Just to talk. And we talked for nearly 3 hours that night. Both knowing it would be the last time.

But, what mattered even more than talking to him, was the fact that I was ‘heard’. By Whoever. I hung up the phone that night… and moved on… with a peace I had not known in quite some time…

“Sunday Stirrings”

  

In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.  ”Who are you?” he asked. 
  ”I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer.”   

“The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. Stay here for the night, and in the morning, if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives, I will do it. Rest until morning.”

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I’m just wrapping up the Kelly Minter study on “Ruth” this week and though each section has held interesting tid-bits I’ve never had the opportunity to nibble on before, there was a day this week that just really tugged at my heartstrings. A connection I had never made.

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To read this passage of Ruth, you just appreciate the topical story at hand, if you’re like me. But, Kelly makes a correlation using it, that just gives the whole story a richer, more relatable meaning. She likens it to that of the time Jesus spent in the Garden of Gethsemane.

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They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”

He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”

Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

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Kelly points out “both Boaz and Christ waited through a long night before arriving at a place where they were able to redeem. Both had obstacles standing in their way. Both had people whose lives depended on their ability to save.”

And, whether we’re asked to ‘rest until morning’ like Ruth or ‘keep watch and pray’ like the disciples, we are to remain close to our Redeemer as we wait.

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And I don’t know about you, but I needed that reminder.

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*For more Sunday Stirrings, check out my sister Jodi’s blog. She’s just begun hosting Sunday Stirrings as an outlet to share our weekly ’stirrings’ of the soul.